


Want

by artenon



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Asexuality, First Time, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-23
Updated: 2013-09-23
Packaged: 2017-12-27 09:36:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/977234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artenon/pseuds/artenon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren sits on the edge of the bed. Levi waits for him to lie down next to him so they can sleep, but Eren just continues to stare at the floor. He looks like he’s working up the nerve to say something, so Levi waits patiently, and sure enough, Eren turns to him a minute later and opens his mouth.</p><p>“Have you ever thought about sex?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Want

**Author's Note:**

> ~~soft M i guess?? frick i hate rating things there's nothing really explicit because i don't write smut haha what don't look at me~~
> 
> one day i'll learn how to title things creatively but that day is not today
> 
> another fic for [askdomesticereri](http://askdomesticereri.tumblr.com/); i swear, i've never written such disgustingly sappy stuff since starting this blog.
> 
> i don't know, for some reason, i feel kind of weird thinking about the eren & levi in this particular 'verse having sex? but i got a prompt for them to take their relationship ~all the way~ and i did not want to disappoint, so i started writing and then i don't know if i'm just projecting my own (a)sexuality, but levi ended up being asexual.
> 
> i don't think eren is very sexual, either? not that he's asexual, just, like, they'll have sex sometimes, but neither of them are very interested in sex in general, you feel me. but it's only for this particular setting/au/whatever, haha.
> 
> also, even though i identify as asexual, i'm by no means an expert on asexuality. just, please keep in mind that asexuality is very broad and asexuals feel differently about sex and deal with sex in asexual/sexual relationships in different ways and it all really depends on the people. thank you. ;w;

Eren sits on the edge of the bed. Levi waits for him to lie down next to him so they can sleep, but Eren just continues to stare at the floor. He looks like he’s working up the nerve to say something, so Levi waits patiently, and sure enough, Eren turns to him a minute later and opens his mouth.

“Have you ever thought about sex?”

The question is so unexpected that Levi can’t do more than stare at him, and Eren goes red and adds, “I mean, between us. Since we’re…in a relationship now.”

In hindsight, he shouldn’t be surprised. Sex was bound to come up eventually.

“It seems like you’ve thought about this a lot,” he says, instead of answering. He pushes himself up so he can sit up straight.

Eren’s blush deepens. “Well, people in relationships have sex. Isn’t that how it goes? So, yeah, I’ve thought about it.”

“They don’t have to,” Levi feels compelled to point out, stomach twisting uncomfortably.

He’s never felt sexually attracted to Eren. Romantically, intellectually, and all other ways, yes. He wants Eren with his entire being—but he’s never felt drawn to him in a sexual way. In fact, he’s never felt drawn to _anyone_ in a sexual way.

This is perhaps something he should have told Eren before they got into a relationship, but he managed to push it out of his mind, because it didn’t seem very important at the time. Maybe it’s because he and Eren seem to have skipped the passionate, madly in love stage and reached the quietly in love stage—still very much in love, but not quite so all over each other.

Eren has been silent, so Levi asks, “Were you expecting sex when we started a relationship?”

“I don’t know,” Eren says, hesitant. “I guess? But I wasn’t really thinking about that. Mostly I just wanted you to know how I feel about you.”

“Well, do you _want_ to have sex?”

“Not if you don’t want to.” This Eren says immediately, and the conviction in his voice eases the knot in Levi’s stomach and at the same time makes it feel oddly fluttery.

He puts his hand on Eren’s arm. “I don’t mind if it’s with you.”

He kisses him, and Eren responds immediately, leaning into him. Kisses—that’s another thing. They’ve never—well, they’ve never really _made out_. Mostly they exchange chaste kisses, a quick press of lips from one person to the other.

So when Levi tries to deepen the kiss, Eren pulls away.

“Levi, no, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” he babbles, “I mean, it’s not like I have any experience in relationships, I just assumed—of course not all relationships, not all people are the same.”

He looks really distressed. “You don’t have to do this for me.”

“I don’t have to,” Levi agrees. “I want to.”

“But—”

“Listen,” Levi interrupts. “I don’t feel sexual attraction. That doesn’t mean I can’t feel arousal. Just—sex by itself doesn’t have the same meaning for me that it does for other people. But if it’ll make you happy, then it’ll make me happy.”

“But that just makes me feel selfish,” Eren murmurs, stroking Levi’s cheek lightly with his thumb. Levi leans into his touch.

“Just the fact that you still want to be with me even if we don’t have sex means you’re not.”

“Of course I still want to be with you!” Eren says. He looks shocked. “Do you mean—people have left you before because of this?”

Levi lets his silence serve as an answer.

Eren snatches up his hands, catching Levi by surprise, and he stares into his eyes and says, very seriously, “Levi, I won’t ever leave you.”

He should be taking Eren seriously, he knows he should, but he just looks so _earnest_ , and Levi lets out a startled laugh.

“Thank you, Eren,” he says, voice shaking with mirth.

Eren pouts at his reaction. “I’m serious!”

“I know,” Levi says, sobering up. “Thank you. I mean it.”

Eren just smiles, says, “I love you,” and Levi wonders how he can say it so easily, say it to him every day, while Levi can only whisper it some nights.

They don’t have sex that night. Levi tells him it’s no big deal if Eren wants to, but he just shakes his head and pulls them down to the bed and hugs him from behind. Levi stares at the wall and doesn’t relax until he feels Eren’s breathing even out behind him, each exhalation tickling the hair on the back of his head.

 

Eren doesn’t mention sex again and they go on as they have been until a few weeks later, and it’s a familiar scene: Eren is once again sitting on the edge of the bed, and Levi is once again waiting for him to say his piece.

When Eren does speak, he turns to face Levi, but this time he doesn’t meet his eyes. “I’m sorry,” he says, then stops.

Levi can see Eren isn’t going to make this easy, and he sighs. “What are you sorry for?”

“I love you. I-I want you. I want to,” he stammers, and his voice drops to a mumble, “I want to…touch you. Sorry,” he says again.

“Hey,” Levi says, “that’s nothing to be ashamed of. That’s normal, isn’t it?”

“I guess,” Eren says reluctantly, picking at the comforter.

“Stop looking like that. What if I said I wanted to have sex with you?”

“Levi—”

“I said I don’t mind if it’s with you, didn’t I? I want to do this for you.”

“But I don’t know how…I could repay you,” Eren says quietly.

“If that’s how you’re seeing it, you’ve already given me more than I could ever repay,” Levi says honestly. “But this isn’t about give and take. It’s about me loving you and wanting to make you happy.”

“But I…”

“Eren, do you want to have sex with me?” Levi asks. “You can say no, but don’t say it just because you feel bad, or guilty.”

Eren is quiet for a long time. Finally, he crawls over and kneels beside Levi on the bed. His hand reaches out, then retracts slightly.

“Can I?” His voice is hardly above a whisper.

Levi nods. “Anything you want.”

Eren slides his hand under Levi’s shirt, warm hand running over bare skin, and Levi shivers a little under his touch.

“Tell me if you want me to stop,” Eren murmurs.

“Don’t worry,” Levi says. “It’s okay.”

Eren kisses him, his hands still roaming over Levi’s chest and then his back. After a moment, he pulls away, and tugs Levi’s shirt off.

He feels exposed and vulnerable. Of course, Eren has seen him shirtless, even naked, before, but never in this context, and the knowledge leaves Levi feeling shy. But Eren kisses Levi’s collarbone, and then starts peppering kisses all over his body, and each press of lips infused with such warmth and care that Levi can’t help but relax.

He lets Eren explore his body, watches how he runs his fingers over each of his scars before pressing a kiss to them and moving on to the next location, leaving Levi’s skin tingling in his wake. He can feel his body begin to respond to Eren’s touches, and he feels aroused rarely enough that it’s an unfamiliar sensation—but not unpleasant.

Eren’s hands gradually slide down to Levi’s hips, and then to the waistband of his pants, and Levi tenses.

Eren draws back immediately. “Sorry. Should I stop?”

Levi is grateful, but Eren’s got it wrong. “It’s not—that’s not why…” He trails off.

Unconsciously, his eyes flick to his leg stump and back to Eren.

Silently, Eren tracks the movement, and mouths ‘oh’ in realization.

“What do I have to say to make you realize I don’t care about your leg?” he asks, resting his hand on the stump of his thigh, and Levi twitches a little in protest, but doesn’t pull away. Eren sets his forehead against Levi’s. “I love you, you know. I’ll say it as many times as I have to. I think you’re beautiful.”

“What did I do to deserve you,” Levi whispers, and Eren chuckles a little, lightly.

“You didn’t have to do anything.”

Eren cradles Levi’s face in his hands and kisses him, slow and sweet and deep. Levi takes his hands and puts them on the waistband on his pants, encouraging, and Eren carefully slides them off.

He can’t help the self-consciousness that washes over him again when Eren can see his ugly, scarred leg, even more so when Eren gives it the same loving attention as the rest of his body.

“I wish you wouldn’t look at it.”

Eren’s skin is smooth and unscarred, he knows—ironically, the sign of his former Titan powers. Levi knows how scarred Eren really is inside, but he also knows how strong he is, and he thinks that his unscarred body signifies the fresh start he’s been allowed to have. But instead of taking the world and all its wonder, here he is with Levi, who is worn and scarred inside and out.

Here he is, saying, “I wish you would stop being embarrassed for no reason,” and Eren is really, _really_ too good for Levi.

But Eren chose Levi. Eren loves him, broken as he is, and he isn’t going to leave him.

Levi has to believe that. And, as they rock their bodies gently together, Eren gasping by his ear, incoherent sounds and breathless whispers, Levi’s fingers digging into his hips, one of Eren’s hands lightly squeezing his thigh, he does believe; he’s never believed in having sex as an expression of love, but he does believe in Eren’s happiness. And when, afterwards, Eren grumbles but rolls his eyes with affection when Levi insists they get cleaned up before sleeping, he believes.

When they lie in each other’s arms, almost asleep, Levi whispers, “I love you.” It’s only the sixth time he’s said it, but he’s determined to say it again and again, enough times that he can no longer keep count, and then some.


End file.
